Of Cats and Kids

Mean mom story: What's love got to do with it?

Posted by: Carol Lombardi

Friday, January 18, 2008 4:42 PM

For those who don't know, here's the basic story: a mother bought her 19-year-old son a car and they agreed on two rules: no alcohol in the car and keep it locked. Three weeks later, she found alcohol in the car and proceeded to run an ad:

"OLDS 1999 Intrigue. Totally uncool parents who obviously don't love teenage son, selling his car. Only driven for three weeks before snoopy mom who needs to get a life found booze under front seat. $3,700/offer. Call meanest mom on the planet."

She sold the car because she found alcohol in it. Fair enough. It seems like a decision made in his best interests.

She then proceeded to publicly humiliate him while crowing to the world about what a terrific parent she is.

I know we're all supposed to get callouses on our hands from applauding this mom for "doing the right thing." Apparently, based on the ad, that's what she wants, too. This is obviously all about her - about how right she is and how tough she is. She even continued to let the ad run AFTER the car was sold so she could continue to field the admiring phone calls.

I mean, really, why lovingly correct your child in private when you can be nasty, vindictive and spiteful in public?

I don't argue that selling the car was the right thing. It was. Handled lovingly, it could have sent a powerful message.

How about this: "Right now you are not responsible enough to have a car, so, I am going to sell it because I want you to be safe. I will put the money from the sale in a separate account, where it will sit until you can prove that you ARE responsible enough to have car, and when we re-visit the issue - in six months or a year or whatever time frame the parent wishes to set - the money will be there."

Perhaps in the meantime the son could prove himself by getting and keeping a summer job, which would help pay for car insurance, volunteering his time in the community, getting better grades, or whatever the parents feel would help.

Kids - not that I necessarily think a 19-year-old is a kid - deserve second chances. And third chances. (The only exception would be for parents who have never, in their entire lives, made a mistake or a bad decision. They are allowed to expect perfection.)

All kids with responsible parents will sometimes think their parents are mean. But they don't have to think they're vicious.

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