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How Can Parents Stay Involved With Their Kids?

Posted by: Haley York

Monday, January 7, 2008 1:44 PM

In my last entry, I stressed how important it is for parents to stay involved with their children. But how? Is it just me, or is it harder for this generation of parents to do exactly that then it was for their parents?

It's not just me, and here's why. The baby boomers parents upheld the belief that moms were supposed to stay at home, run the house and take care of the family. In doing this, these mothers were much more aware and involved in what their children did, behaviorally and academically.

What's the difference? The baby boomers is a generation of parents of which the majority of have a full time job. Because their parents weren't in the situation where both parents held jobs, the next generation has no idea how to balance work and family.

So what is a parent to do? Coming home form work everyday, most parents are tired and stressed out, and don't want to deal with any more problems. I don't have any clear-cut answers for you, but I do have some suggestions, from the student/child/"rebellious teenager" point of view.

1) Pay attention to your student's grades. If they are younger students, check their homework WITH them, help them to understand it. With older kids, just make sure that it is done, and check if they have any questions you might be able to answer. If your student is having trouble, most schools offer a study center of some sort, and many teachers are willing to spend extra time with any students who ASK for help. At home, if your student is trying to work or study, allow them a quiet space and some private time to focus on their work.
2) Make yourself approachable. If your kids never have an easy opportunity to talk to you, they will most likely take matters into their own hands.
3) Family time is important! Whether it is watching a movie, playing catch, or just going for a walk, do something together, but as EQUALS. Nothing ruins family time more than a parent who bosses their kids around. This is your chance to goof off with your kids: use it wisely. Your kids will have a better relationship with you, allowing them to trust you more, and open up to you. They will also respect you more, making them rethink their actions when they do something you might not like.
4) When your child does tell you something, do your best to be non-judgmental, and don't get too involved in their problem. (i.e. Don't call up their friends' parents and talk to them, or tell your child they can't talk to a certain person anymore.) Instead, help you child to understand why they are in the situation they are in, and give them options on how to get out of it.
5) Family dinners are important too! This is a very obvious way to show your kids you do care about them. It is a great way to teach good eating habits, as well as cooking. If you don't get home till after dinnertime, try and plan another meal: breakfast, lunch, or a light dessert snack. If you can't cook a full meal every night of the week, organize a schedule: maybe your kids can cook a meal once a week, or you can order in once a week from your favorite restaurant. Be careful to not get tempted to do this more than once a week; this is a very bad habit for your kids to get into.
6) Schools newsletter, newspapers, or emails are great ways to find out what goes on in schools. See if the PTA at your schools sends out emails, and add your name and email to the list. Most schools also have monthly newsletters, or a website, which is readily available and easily accessible. Some high school teachers even have websites of all their students grade reports, which is much more up to date and detailed then report cards. Ask your school about them.
7) Be personal: when talking to your kids, treat them with the same kind of respect you demand from them, or you won't get any. Talk to them, don't constantly YELL at them. Find out WHY they did what they did, and EXPLAIN why not to do that.
For example, if I were to write in a normal way, you, the reader, are more likely to thoroughly understand and accept what I am saying. IF I WERE TO WRITE LIKE THIS, YOU MIGHT BE MORE DRAWN TO THIS ORIGINALLY, BUT YOU WOULD BE LESS ACCEPTING, MORE DEFENSIVE, AND LESS UNDERSTANDING OF MY MESSAGE.
Your children also lose respect of you when you are constantly yelling: it makes you look temperamental, judgmental, and less understanding of their situation.
8) Finally, give them some privacy. If they keep a journal, DON'T read it. If they have a Myspace, Facebook, or screenname, don't pry, but make sure they are well aware of the dangers. If you are accessible, they will tell you if they have a problem with somebody. Most parents don't realize kids will tell them if they are scared or unsure of something, but only if the kids think they will be reasonable.